How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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