So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
