It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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