is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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