his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Even my vagina gasped.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
