When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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