It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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