my vag is so smooth its legendary
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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