I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
