I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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