saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
