At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
