dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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