you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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