Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
