I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
