Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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