Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
