The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
