only if we run a train.
done.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
