I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
