best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
