You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
