He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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