my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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