I just cut my nipple shaving
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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