I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
