If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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