i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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