i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
