I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize