Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
