youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The feeling are messing with the penis
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize