Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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