Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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