Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Randomize
