I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
