they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
