about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
