belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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