I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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