Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
