As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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