If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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