I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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