But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
