I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
