I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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