i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
