Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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