Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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