there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
