Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
