New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
