just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
