why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
