sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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