I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
