We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
