Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
