Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
