Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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