So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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