my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
