I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize