I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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