i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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