In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize