When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
