Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
