The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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