it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
