Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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